


Truths and Consequences

by friendoftheearth



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Drama, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 09:25:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6605500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendoftheearth/pseuds/friendoftheearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU Written in 2013<br/>"If you go down to the woods today... you're sure of a big surprise!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Truths and Consequences

Truths and Consequences

I hated Carl. I couldn't stand the sight of him, his snide grin, his mocking tongue, the way he looked down his nose at me. Everything about him rankled. He hurt a lot of people in his time, people I cared about, people I loved, and in hurting them he managed to hurt me too. He ripped my family apart. That was how I saw things at the time, how I wanted to see them. My mum and Paddy were living together, they seemed happy; I know Paddy was, and with the three of us under the same roof I was happy too. But, even back then, Carl was obsessed with her, he couldn't stand the thought of her with another man, and she could never say no to him... not then she couldn't. She walked away from the best thing that ever happened to her because of him, and she walked away from me too.

Look where that betrayal got her, look where that obsession got him! Dead and slowly rotting in his grave!

I started to believe she'd moved on, that she'd got Carl out of her system and it seemed she had. She had a few meaningless flings but then suddenly announced that she'd found someone special, someone she really cared about, he's 'the one', she insisted. She sounded so happy on the phone; she made Dan Spencer sound like Prince Charming. I thought it was all too good to be true, all happening too fast, and that it would fizzle out just as quickly. I told her to be careful, to take things slowly, but the next thing I know she's marrying him. I couldn't believe it, I couldn't get my head around it... and I couldn't be there to see it. Not that I wanted to be there at the time, not really, not just to witness something I felt sure wouldn't last. I gave her my best wishes though, said all the right things to her over the phone. Now, I wish with all my heart that I had been there, that I had made the necessary effort, taken the risk, as big as it was. I know it would all be different now if I had.

I would have known something was wrong. She can lie convincingly to me over the phone, but not to my face. If I'd still been there, I could have done something, I know I could have prevented all of this hurt and upset. I could have warned her off Cameron, warned him off her. Carl wouldn't have had any hold over her then, he couldn't have cornered her, trapped her... she wouldn't have had to defend herself against the sick bastard, and she wouldn't have that terrible memory haunting her for the rest of her life... because it will.

She's been through hell, prison, the trial. I know what it's like to face a murder charge, to stand up in court, your fate in other people's hands. My mind was clouded at the time, but I still felt scared, I still felt alone in the world. I don't like the fact I wasn't there for her then or when she finally walked free. I know she needed a hug from her son right then, along with some words of reassurance, of support. She needed me and I wasn't there, not in any way. Something has come between us and it isn't the miles that separate us, it isn't the ocean that's keeping us apart, it's what she did to Debbie, to her own flesh and blood. I hate what she's done to her, I can't forget and even though I've forgiven her for so much, this last stinging betrayal is one thing I can never forgive her for, she's hurt too many people, people who loved and trusted her. How could she?

I liked Cameron, we got on well, and Debbie was so happy with him, and he provided the support she needed with Sarah being so ill. I thought he was a good man, but he's shown his true colours, and now I see him for the snake he is. He's proved he can't be trusted but, even knowing that, my mother has chosen him over her family. It's history repeating itself, isn't it? Only on a much broader scale this time. Will she never learn? He's going to hurt her, I know he is, she'll rue the day she got involved with him, just like she does Carl. There's no telling her though, she won't listen, she's blind to the truth, but the scales will fall from her eyes one day and I hate to think how that will all play out, how far reaching the fallout will be from that.

Why don't the two of them just move away, why don't they do the decent thing and leave Debbie to pick up the pieces without a constant reminder of their deceit? I was all set to go over there before Christmas, determined to talk her into leaving. I'd have dragged her back here, put her up at ours, I'd have done anything to get her out of Emmerdale, to restore some sort of peace to the family. But me and Ed argued about it, the worst argument we've ever had. I just couldn't make him understand my need to go there, then Cain turned up out of the blue, so I had the two of them banging on at me, talking me down, trying to make me see things their way. And I did for a while, Cain had me believing my mum just wasn't worth it. Ed, he used much gentler words, determined not to hurt me, he told me that I should leave things to settle on their own, because they would in time.

But that sense of acceptance didn't last long, not with me being in regular contact with home. Adam, Victoria, they fill me in with all the gossip. I know just about everything that goes on in the village, and our Belle, well she tends to let things slip about the family. I can feel the tension that surrounds them from here, I know the black cloud that's hovering over the Dingle clan is getting bigger, that one almighty storm is brewing.

The more I hear, the more riled I get. I can't believe my mother's brass neck, it's like she's deliberately rubbing her relationship with Cameron in Debbie's face. It sounds like Debbie's at breaking point, like it's all getting too much for her. I've been at that low emotional ebb and I feel for her, and I feel guilty for not doing anything to help and support her. I feel for little Sarah, too. They're all trying to keep the truth about Cameron from her, but they won't be able to, not for much longer, not in a village that size. Sarah's a lot younger than I was when the so-called grownups turned my world upside down, but the betrayal will still hurt, more so because it involves more than one person she cares about.

I've just been checking my emails, that's why my thoughts are so centred on home, on the upsets of the past and the most recent ongoing misery. There's a bit of light relief from Paddy, a picture of Leo and him together, smiles plastered across both their faces. I miss them, Paddy especially, and again I find myself wishing he and my mum had stayed together. Life would have been so much happier not to mention simpler if that had been the case.

While I've been staring at the picture, a smile's crept across my face too, but it fades quickly when I read the next message in my inbox. It's another one from Victoria, I can't believe what she's telling me now, I don't want to believe it. Someone is tormenting my mum, targeting her, stalking her according to Vic. I know she can be a bit of a drama queen at times, but I don't think she's making more of this than she should. From what she says, someone is trying to scare Chas away from the village. Who would do that?

I instantly have my suspicions, Cain! No, no, as angry as he is with his sister right now, he wouldn't do that. Debbie? I don't know, who knows what's going on in her head at the moment. It could be anyone, Jimmy, Dan even. My heads spinning with possibilities and the more I think about it, the more worried I am for her. This, I can't ignore, this, I can't pretend isn't happening. I can't tell myself that it will all blow over, that it won't come to anything because it very well might, she could get hurt. Apparently, Cameron's not there, he's visiting his sons, so who's going to watch out for her, protect her? Isn't that something I should be doing?

/

I had a few heart-stopping moments as I entered the country, but I'm not only in, I'm well on my way to Yorkshire. I just hope getting back across the channel is as easy.

Ed doesn't know where I am, at least not yet, I didn't even leave him a note. When he finds the flat empty tonight, he'll guess, he knows me so well now that he won't need telling where I've gone even though I promised him I wouldn't do this, even though I gave him my word I'd stay put. He's going to be so angry with me, but I think he'll forgive me, stand by me whatever happens… he loves me, so I know in my heart he will.

If it had been dark, I'd have made straight for Cain's, but it's mid-afternoon and the village is teaming with life. I don't want to be seen except by the chosen few, so I get the taxi driver to drop me off on a back road then leg it across a field that skirts Uncle Zak's place. I let myself in Wishing Well Cottage and make myself at home; I don't think anyone will mind.

A mug of tea and bacon butty later, the door opens and Zak walks in, his face is a picture on seeing me. Disbelief slowly melds into delight, he can't hide the fact he's pleased to see me and welcomes me with a hug. I'm relieved to see he's his old self, that the breakdown is well and truly behind him now. He's a good man, and all in all he's been good to me.

Zak tells me all he can, openly sharing his burden. He tells me how worried he is for Debbie, how disappointed he is in his niece, how her actions have caused so much heartache and continue to do so. I tell him that's why I'm here, that and the fact someone's harassing her, that I've come home to help sort it. He tells me I'm a good lad, that he's proud of me. It feels good to hear him say that, to know I still have a place in the family, in his heart.

Lisa, Sam, they're both pleased to see me once the initial shock wears off, and are eager to hear first-hand about my new life. For a little while, we forget my reasons for being there, are able to chat and laugh together like a normal family would. But we're not a normal family, there's always some drama surrounding us and conversation inevitably turns to Chas. I thank Lisa for being there for her, like me she hates what she's done but hasn't been able to turn her back on her.

As we discuss my next move, the door unexpectedly opens, startling us all; we all breathe a sigh of relief on seeing Cain, but the relief is short-lived. Seeing me, his face hardens, and he eyes me coldly. I get to my feet, ready for an earful, but when he storms towards me, I realise he has worse in mind.

"Cain!" Zak's voice thunders around me, he thinks he's going to hit me too. I stand my ground, he's got to release some of that pent up anger somehow, better it's aimed at me than at my mother.

Zak's warning appears to have had some affect on Cain because, instead of lashing out with his fist, he lets rip with his tongue, swearing at me, calling me hurtful names. Then he starts questioning my intelligence, my reasons for coming back, for risking everything I have in France, everything I have with Ed, "... and all for what?" he demands, going on to answer his own question, his words a scathing attack on his own sister, "for that skanky slut!"

I've called her worse to her face, but hearing him say it angers me and I let loose with some insults of my own. He's far from perfect, he's done some bad things in his time, who is he to judge her? I can spit venom with the best of them and I soon hit a nerve, I push him too far and he loses control, his fist makes contact with my jaw, the force of the blow sending me crashing to the floor. Pride has me get up even quicker than I went down, I tell myself I'll give him that one, that it came free, but let him try again… he won't know what hit him!

While Lisa's fussing over me, Zak's raging at Cain and all the time we're standing there looking at each other, ignoring all else. There's no anger in his eyes now, there's a very different emotion shining there. He can't believe what he's just done, what he's just done to me. He's sorry, I know he is, and so am I. We both know we can't let what just happened come between us, we can't let the family disintegrate any further, and it's him who makes the first move…

"You shouldn't have come back."

"I had to. My family needs me."

Cain nods his understanding; he knows he'd have done the very same thing.

/

Belle's staying at a friend's so I've got her bed for the night. I've never thought of her as a girly girl but it turns out she is, her room's proof of that! I'm sure I'll survive the pink walls and the pink duvet for one night, if it gets too much, I can concentrate on the posters she's got stuck up on one of the walls, they're all of one particular boy band... and they're easy on the eye!

It's now the early hours of the morning and although I'm tired, I just can't sleep. Ed's on my mind, I've tried phoning him, texting him, he's not answering my calls, he's not responding to my messages. He's ignoring me completely. Is he going to keep on doing that until his anger with me subsides or is it something more permanent? Is it his way of telling me it's over between us? I don't want to believe that but I don't know what else to think. I can imagine what he's thinking, that I've let him down big time, that I've abused his trust, put our life now and our future together at risk, that I've put other people before him. He has to be hurting, I know I would be.

It's hours before I finally drift off into a fitful sleep, I manage a few hours' rest. On waking, I've forgotten where I am and I instinctively reach for Ed... but the bed's empty, so too are my arms. My heart sinks as reality hits me.

I make my way downstairs to find Lisa's made me a cooked breakfast. Any other time and I'd have wolfed it down, it wouldn't have touched the sides, but this morning I can only pick at it. I'm thinking of another breakfast table, wondering if the man sitting there all alone is thinking about me, if he's missing me half as much as I'm missing him.

Zak's already left for work and as Lisa heads out the door to go do her shift, Cain makes his way in. He's got some news, there's been a development overnight, my mum's stalker had been revealed. It's Thomas King, Carl's sixteen-year-old son. It's a shock but then I suppose it's understandable, and so is the fact Chas isn't going to take it any further, because of his age, the circumstances surrounding it, she's leaving it to Jimmy, to his uncle to deal with.

"You can go back now."

It's sounds more like an order than an observation and I eye Cain steadily, "I'm not ready to go back yet." As much as I need to sort things out with Ed, I need to see my mum, Debbie, and I want a word with Cameron too.

"The longer you stay, the..."

"I know the risks, Cain, I'm not stupid, I know what I'm doing no matter what you think. I just need another day." I can fit all that into twelve hours, can't I? I can if Cameron returns from Jersey this morning, like he's supposed to do.

Cain knows I've made my mind up, that nothing he says will change it now and without another word he walks back out the door. An hour later, I'm still sitting at the table, I told Cain I knew what I was doing but I don't, not really, I don't know how best to go about things, I'm going to have to do a lot of sneaking around. People round here still think I torched the garage, they know that I'm on the run from the police, I know a lot of them would turn a blind eye if they saw me, but there are some who'd take great pleasure in turning me in. I have to bide my time anyway, according to Lisa, Debbie's at the hospital with Sarah this morning, that rules out a visit to her place until later today, and catching my mother alone in the Woolpack isn't going to be easy. I reason the best time to go there will be during the lull after lunch. She'll have her feet up in the back room then.

But I can't just sit here waiting for the time to pass, I'm full of restless energy, and needing some air I decide to take myself off for a walk, I head for the woods, the only person I'm likely to run into there is the gamekeeper and that just happens to be Sam.

/

It's quiet here, peaceful, the only sounds the wind blowing through the trees, and the occasionally chorus of birdsong. I used to come up here a lot with Clyde, he loved it here. I'd let him off his lead and he'd run around, stopping here, there and everywhere to sniff the ground, the trees, picking up on scents he wouldn't find in the village. I scattered his ashes here... Jackson standing by my side.

Thinking of that day, of him, makes me want to visit his grave, but I said my goodbyes to him the day I left for France, I told him I wouldn't be coming back so it doesn't seem right I go there now.

Suddenly, off to my left, a bird launches noisily into the air, seemingly spooked by something or a someone. Wary now, I stop and look around, hoping to catch sight of whoever it is before they catch sight of me. I see a flash of colour in the distance, someone's moving slowly between the trees. It's the densest part of the woods, badly overgrown, it's a part you would normally walk around, not go through. My curiosity is piqued now, what are they doing over there?

It's not Sam, I'm certain of that, so who is it? For some inexplicable reason, I want to find out and so I edge closer.

Whoever it is, they're now pacing back and forth, obviously agitated about something. I'm getting more and more intrigued by their actions and I'm drawn towards them like a moth to a flame.

I've got a good view of him now, of his back anyway, I just need him to turn around, to show his face. I'm sure I know him, there's something familiar about him, his build, his hair. I suddenly realise who it is and my heart starts racing. It's Cameron!

I'm not liking what I'm seeing, it's unnerving, he's looking at the ground and shaking his head, he's talking too but I can't make out what he's saying. He's definitely on his own so who is he talking to? Himself? Has he gone mad?

I break cover knowing that if he turns around now he'll see me. I want him to see me, as unprepared as I am to talk to him right now, I know I can't miss the opportunity to do so. It's like he's been delivered into my hands... like a lamb to the slaughter.

I take a step closer, a twig snaps beneath my feet announcing my presence. Cameron spins around, his eyes meet mine and I'm shocked by what I see. He's not the man I remember, his eyes are wild, red-rimmed like he hasn't slept in days, and there's no colour in his cheeks ... he looks ill, and he's as taken aback on seeing me as I am on seeing him.

"Aaron?"

Cameron rubs at his eyes, like he expects me to disappear into thin air after doing so. But I'm not a figment of his imagination, and I'm going nowhere.

"What... what are you doing here? How...when... does Chas know? "

He stumbles over his words, he's struggling to take it in, he can't make sense of my sudden appearance, but it shouldn't be troubling him as much as it appears to be doing. It's like he's scared of me or of something.

"What are you doing here?" I ask pointedly as I start to walk towards him. He hurries forward, blocking my way, stopping me from getting any closer to where he's just been standing. Why? I look past him, at the earth, it doesn't look right somehow, it takes me a little while to realise why, it's been disturbed, dug up... like something's been buried there!

My blood runs cold, and my imagination takes flight, "What have you done?" I ask, knowing in my heart he's guilty of something terrible.

"Nothing, "

Cameron shakes his head in an exaggerated fashion, in what I recognise as a desperate attempt to convince me of the fact. It doesn't though, his erratic behaviour makes me all the more suspicious, he's starting to freak me out, I'm actually starting to feel scared. There's something very, very wrong here.

"What's going on? What..." My phone starts ringing and immediately Cameron's telling me not to answer it. Like I'm going to listen to him, it might be Ed. As I pull it out my pocket, he lunges at me, knocking it from my hand. "What'd yer think you're doing?" I yell at him. As I reach for my phone, he kicks it further out of my way.

I glare helplessly at him, if I wasn't so rattled by what I've witnessed so far, I'd drop him here and now, but I'm so very wary of him. The way he's looking at me... looking through me, is sending chills up and down my spine.

"You shouldn't have come. I had it all sorted, no one would have ever found out. Me and your mum, we..."

"Found out what?" My gaze moves between Cameron and the disturbed earth, something tells me the answer to that question lies beneath it.

"You don't really want to know and I... I don't want to have to tell you. I don't want you looking at me like he did."

"Like who did?" Cameron glances behind him before answering me.

"Alex."

"Alex?" I suddenly feel sick, I tell myself I'm wrong, that I have to be because it doesn't make any sense, that Alex isn't buried just feet away from me. But then, I know Victoria's ex-boyfriend is missing, that the last person to have seen him was Cameron! No. It's all a bad dream, it has to be, I've had enough of them in my time.

"He was a good mate, but I shouldn't have told him that, not that. He couldn't handle it; he was going to tell the police if I didn't."

"Tell them what?" As scared as I am right now, I want to know, I want to understand what's going on, and when Cameron responds with just a shrug, I repeat the words only a lot louder this time.

"The truth, he was going to tell them the truth."

I'm still no wiser, just more confused, more troubled by what I'm hearing. Another question pops into my head, I dread the answer, I'm scared she's involved in whatever it is he's done, "Does my mum know, does she know the truth?"

"No! No, she can never know. She won't understand, she won't and I can't lose her, not after everything I've done to protect her, to keep us together. No, she must never know."

Cameron's impassioned reply offers some relief but leaves me with even more questions. "Protect her from what? From who?"

"Carl!"

"What?"

"He needed stopping, someone had to stop him. I had to stop him from hurting her again"

What was he saying, what was he telling me? I'm frantically putting two and two together and not liking the answer, "You killed him and she lied to protect you?" I can't believe my mother would be so stupid, would take such a risk... but then where a man she loved was concerned, she'd do just about anything to keep him.

"She didn't lie."

What did he mean by that? "Cameron? I don't understand, you're not making any sense..."

"I killed him, I killed Carl."

"But my mum, she... she told the police she hit him, that she..."

"That's because she believes she did, but it was me, I did it."

Suddenly, a light goes on in my head, now I know the truth, "You killed him and you let her take the blame!" I can only look at Cameron and shake my head, the enormity of it all has just dawned on me. He killed Carl, he killed Alex because he knew the truth, because he wasn't prepared to keep his secret... well neither am I.

I start backing away from him, my legs trembling beneath me. The adrenaline is starting to flow, the urge is there to run but I don't think my legs will carry me.

"I'm sorry, Aaron; you know I can't let you go, not now."

There's a strange calmness about him, a coldness, he's suddenly in control of his emotions and knows I'm not, he can sense my fear, my rising panic. He's killed two men and he's ready to kill again...

 

For a little while there, I froze, and I was accepting of what was going to happen to me, of what I thought was going to happen to me. Then that numbness, that feeling of helplessness was replaced by something else... a sense of annoyance, of disbelief. I don't want to die, I'm not ready to die.

Strange how so many thoughts can go through your mind in such a short time. In a fraction of a second, I remembered all the times when death seemed the only answer, the only escape, the only way I would know peace of mind. I really had wanted to die during those dark times; everything had looked so bleak and impossible.

But it's different now, I want to live. I want tomorrow to come. I have so much to live for, someone to share my life with, and I have a good life. I'm happy with Ed, settled. I didn't go through all that hell for nothing, I didn't win that war of emotions just to succumb now. I'm finally on top of things and I'm not prepared to let it all end here, not like this, not in such a way. I'm not going to just disappear, I'm not going to be buried like some animal in an unmarked grave. My family is not going to be left wondering where I am or what happened to me, and Ed's not going to be left doubting my love for him.

I wish I had told him I loved him more often, I wish those three words had come as easy to me as they did to him. I wish I hadn't taken off without telling him, I wish I'd got to say goodbye. Goodbye! No! No, I've got to stop thinking like that, it's not over yet. I just need to get my act together, pull myself together. I need to think, I need to concentrate on the here and now...

I've been so lost in thought I haven't heard what Cameron's been saying to me, I've watched his lips move but his words were drowned out by the voice in my head.

I meet his gaze, it's fixed on me, his eyes are empty, there's no emotion, no warmth there, another shiver runs up and down my spine. Has he retreated so far into himself that he really doesn't know what he's doing? He has to be insane, he has to be.

He's just revealed the worst of secrets any man could keep. Those secrets have to have tormented him, haunted him, and that's why he's here now, that's why he was standing over Alex's makeshift grave and talking to himself.

Guilt is a terrible burden to bear, I know, I carried it around with me for the longest time, but it wasn't mine to own and when I finally realised that, a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Cameron's never going to know such relief, such peace of mind, he really has taken a life, two lives. And now he wants to add to his already impossible burden.

My mind's wandering again but there are so many thoughts going round in my head, so many questions. I've found myself in a living nightmare and I want the answer as to why.

How did Cameron get the better of Carl? The better of Alex? Both were handy with their fists, and neither of them lacked nerve or courage. I don't understand it, I just know Cameron's not going to get the better of me.

He's a desperate man, some would say a sick man! But I have no pity for him, just a growing sense of anger towards him, and for once I need that anger, I need it to get me through this.

I know I have to get away, I have to get away from him, I have to tell someone what he's done, I have to stop him killing someone else, and he will, I know he will. I have to warn people, they have to warn the police. My mum, she needs to know, she needs to know the truth even if the truth is going to break her, destroy her. I knew he'd hurt her, but this... how is she going to move on from this?

It stops here, it stops now... but do I fight him, try to overpower him or do I just run? I can take him, I'm sure I can, but then that look in his eyes scares me...

What a time to dither! My life depends on this... which is why I have to make the right choice. I'm handy with my fists, a fearless scrapper, but something tells me I don't stand a chance against him, not the way he is now, cold and calculating.

I start to back away again, my legs still trembling beneath me. His expression changes, his face hardening further still, he knows what I'm about to do and he's ready for it, probably more ready than I am.

"Alex tried to run, too."

His words leave me shaken, rooted to the spot, I can only look at him; I know there's no point in reasoning with him, he's beyond reason now. I just need something...

My phone starts to ring again, it's just the distraction I need. As Cameron turns to look at it, I turn on my heels and start to run. I tell myself I'm younger than he is, fitter, that he's a physical wreck compared to me. But I stumble through the undergrowth, I feel like I'm wading through water, through mud, my legs, they're so heavy, so stiff. The ground beneath me is uneven, treacherous, I can't lose my footing here, I have to keep upright, I have to keep going no matter what.

I know these woods pretty well, better than he does, and as I'm running I suddenly realise I'm running in the wrong direction! I'm going ever further into the woods, not out of them! I swerve to the left, start making for where I'm certain there's a road, but what if I'm wrong?

I can hear him behind me, he's panting, air-hungry, but so am I. My lungs are burning, protesting just like my heart is, it's thundering in my chest, exertion and fear making it work overtime, it feels like it's about to burst.

I start to think about Ed, I desperately want to see him again, hold him, and feel his arms around me. I want to know that feeling of being wanted, needed, and loved. Thoughts of him fuel my flight, put wings on my feet and finally I break through the trees, into the open, into a small field. I know where I am now, and that help isn't all that far away.

There's a stone wall up ahead, I clamber over it easily enough, but I land badly on the other side. A searing pain tells me I've twisted, maybe even broken my ankle, but somehow I keep going, every step now agony.

I wanted to get to the village, I wanted to get where I knew I'd be safe. I don't think I can make it that far now, not even with the devil on my tail… and he's still there, I know he is, I can't hear him, but I sense him, I sense his eyes on me.

Uncle Zak's place isn't all that far now, I've decided to make for there. Pollard's is nearby and so is the factory. I tell myself if I can just get there, everything will be alright… but I've slowed right down, I'm just hobbling along now, dragging my all-but-useless foot… the pain is unbearable.

I'm on the home stretch, just another few hundred yards and…

There's someone by the door… no, no, it can't be!

I can't believe my eyes, I can't believe he's here… that he's come all this way.

It's Ed! He's come looking for me! Now that he's seen me, he's already running in my direction.

It's over… I'm safe now.

End.


End file.
